P.P.U.P.O.

Note: I'm journaling in hindsight, because if we make a successful match, we won't share the story until everything is official. I still want to document along the way, but I will just post it when appropriate.

January 25, 2015
    If you've ever been actively trying to conceive, you've probably googled and found posts that seem to be in a whole different language. My DH has no clue what these blogs that I read after IVF or FET mean. He just knows we must BD if my OPK says so, then I'm PUPO until we take an HPT and get a BFP! If you've tried for a LO (little one) long enough, you know what I just said. If you've been lucky enough to go through IUI or IVF, you almost certainly have googled and you yourself have been "PUPO" or pregnant until proven otherwise. PUPO is this grey area between the time they do the procedure to make you pregnant to the time your body has enough pregnancy hormone coursing through it to actually show up on a test. You really could be pregnant, but can't prove it.
    Now that we are living the adoptive hopefuls life, the only abbreviations I've seen are BM and BP, and, working in health care, those do NOT mean birth mother and birthparents to me. One term used is "paper pregnant," and I understand this to be the time span  from when you are matched with a birth mom to her actually having the baby.
    Three days ago, Thursday, birthparents picked our profile from a pile of books along with another couple and wanted to meet us both. Our attorney accidently showed our book, not realizing we hadn't completed everything yet and aren't even a true clients of hers. We met this amazing couple yesterday at a little diner 2 hours from our home. We were nervous in a way neither one of us had ever felt before! I think Clint and I learned a little about each other that day, too, being in a totally new environment faced with feelings we couldn't even explain. These birthparents had great questions and genuine concern about the parents who would raise their child. I gave her a journal and we all four snapped a quick photo for my scrapbook before leaving.  We agreed that we probably made some rookie mistakes, but felt it went great overall [insert fist bump, with explosion]. They even told us they thought we'd make great parents for their baby, but that both couples they met were so wonderful birth dad needed a few extra days to decide. I SO respect these two. They are really taking time for this decision and truly love their baby. The attorney called us later that day and said that one felt connected to us and the other more to them. It's a 50/50 according to our attorney who is always up front and brutally honest. We are thankful just to have had the opportunity to meet some parents already and know anything that may sway them at this point is likely out of our control, like number of children, where we live, age, etc. If it doesn't work out, I guess this will be a learning experience, and we'll meet the next ones like true veterans. Oh my heart.

 

Our journey in a nutshell (2 months in on an average 2 year process):

December: start filling out forms
January weekend 1: class 1/2 done
January weekend 2:Turn in majority of forms
January weekend 3: class 2/2 done
January weekend 4: Meet first set of birthparents (outcome pending)

I've been PUPO twice now. Today, I'm almost PPUPO, paper pregnant until proven otherwise. This motherhood thing is beautiful. And complicated. Oh, and it's a girl!


January 26, 2015
    This morning, our attorney called to tell us the birth parents we met Saturday chose the other couple they met that day. I'm sure glad we convinced ourselves there was NO way this could really happen this early. We didn't get overly excited knowing we weren't the only couple in consideration. I guess I would compare it to.. doing everything perfectly to conceive, only to get a negative home pregnancy test.  We are disappointed, however it's not as if we were THE match, planned for 2 months, and then birth mom backed out. That would probably be equivalent to mourning a lost pregnancy. I don't know. We guarded our hearts and are glad we did.

    Our attorney explained to us that the birthparents had a hard time making a decision, because they loved us both. Dad could tell "by the look in Clint's eyes" that he had so much love for a child and liked his quiet demeanor. He thought Clint would parent in a way similar to how he would have liked to. Side note- Clint thought he messed up by being quiet out of nervousness. Mom felt a "bond" with me, but the other adoptive mom was adopted herself. She recently rekindled her relationship with own birth mother, and it was going well. This really struck mom, as her worst fear in all of this was that her child would grow to hate her. Nope, can't compete with that. We would be sure the child never grew up hating her; These 2 were awesome, but we can see her side, too.

So now we'll go back to playing the waiting game. We feel good that the reason we weren't picked was out of our control. Also, we pray it's a good sign that after only having our book in our attorney's hands for 5 days we were picked, when some books get shown to 30-40 moms without anything. That was enough to encourage us, so I feel more patient, but more excited, too, that we might be so close to being done with this long journey.

 January 24, 2015

Here's half of the picture we snapped. I cut out the couple to protect their identity, but will be saving the original for memory book purposes. Match or not, this was still part of our future child's birth story. I should mention, she was gorgeous!

FAQ

Since my first post announcing our planned adoption, I've had lots of good questions! I'm okay with that and will try my best to fill you in when it's appropriate. I completely understand the curiousity.

1. Where are you at in the process?
   We've been working on the application for the agency for almost two months. There is still quite a bit to go. Can't wait to be done and..well.. WAIT! Application (Forms, histories, fingerprints, health physicals, floor plans, pet records, etc, etc.). Home studies. Profile book goes live.
2. How do they find a baby?
   Birthmothers contact the group we're working with seeking to place their child with a family. She usually has a type of family she wants. A few profile books will be given to her to consider that match that criteria. If she doesn't like the books she's shown, she can look at more and more and more until she's found a family she's comfortable placing her baby with. Think about the decision she's about to make. Imagine if you had to find someone else to raise your child.. It's understandable it could take some time! We want to be considerate of that.
3. Will you get a baby from another country?
   We are seeking domestic adoption.
4. What age did you request for the child?
   That feels like a private question between us and the agency.
5. What do you guys agree to for race and gender?
   That, too, feels like one of those private questions.
6. How much does it cost?
   Although we are doing group funding, again, we're going to keep exact numbers to ourselves. UNLESS, you are seeking adoption, and are interested because of that. Happy to help where I can.
7. What's the normal wait time to get a baby?
   Two years is the average wait we're told.
8. What if your baby is born ill?
   Answer:What if your baby is born ill?
9. How long does the mother have to change her mind?
   The entire pregnancy. Then, once baby is born, she can sign a consent that is permanent, but not before 72 hours after birth. This is one reason we are likely to keep it to ourselves when/if we get a match until it's final.
10. Are you still going to try to conceive yourself?
    Yes, one day. Date undecided.

That's all I can think of for now. Ten is a good number to stop on, right? I love that everyone is so interested and supportive! We don't want to put everything out there, because it is still a very personal situation. Some of those questions really ask something a bit deeper than you might think at first glance. And, that's okay! I'll just answer what I feel is right. Some of these details will be our future child's very own story to tell one day, and I want him or her to have the option of sharing or not sharing all of the details. :)

 

 

Grow old with me. The best is yet to be.

In case you hadn't heard...

We're Adopting!

STORY

We battled infertility for 2 1/2 years before conceiving twin boys, Colt & Case, only to have our hearts broken when they were born 16 weeks too soon and passed away one hour after birth. Clint & I both agreed in our dating years that it would be "kinda cool" to adopt a baby in addition to our bio babies. Little did we know, we would face some seriously difficult times getting those bio babies. Doctors felt great about future singleton pregnancies, but not until later in 2015. We were disheartened.  We had recently raised money for the cost of a frozen embryo transfer, and now we were being told it would be a while before we could move forward with that. We were so ready to be parents and couldn't imagine staring at our empty nursery doing nothing to fill it. Adoption came back up, and we felt it was not if, but when, and what better time than right now. People were often suggesting, "You can always just adopt," "will you ever just adopt?" We did not want to go into adoption as a last resort with desperate and beaten down hearts and just adopt because there was no other hope. We wanted this to be something we were called to. One class in I am certain we are being called to this. I've been trying to complete our paperwork for two months, and, let me tell ya, you don't JUST adopt! Oh, and the average wait time, two YEARS.
ROOTS
We are completely blown away at the amount of people who opened their hearts and donated to our fund for trying to conceive with a frozen embryo. We had loved ones, old friends, and even strangers giving. Some people even hosted special parties and gave us the proceeds. My heart was so full, and I fell in love with our little town all over. It really does take a village to raise [and, sometimes, have] a child. I can't wait to create roots for a little one here and share the story of how loved and wanted they were by a very special village.
GRATEFUL
We will continue to fundraise toward this new goal, and please know that we do not expect people to give and give and give. If you'd like to and can participate, we thank you. If not, that's okay, too. We'd be just as happy if you'd send a few good words to the big guy upstairs for us.

 



A rough draft of our 20 page profile book is available to any birth mother that comes in to the agency that helped us get started as of Saturday 1/17/15. If we match her criteria, our book will be given to her to take home and consider. Our book isn't available to the attorney we'd like to work with until we do her portion of paperwork and retainers and such which will hopefully be done in a few weeks. We are still finishing classes (which are 2 hours from home), have 1-3 home studies, and need Clint's physical and our fingerprints to be done. Starting to see why this takes a while, right?  

We will try to keep everyone updated as we go along. Posts may be few and far between, because it is a lengthy process, but they will be shorter :)